The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
