Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
