I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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