hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
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That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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