Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
