dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
this is an emotional support booty call
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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