It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
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