dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Randomize
