He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
