Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
