i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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