she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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