I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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