maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize