My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
