Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
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