At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
