Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
