all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
