My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize