He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize