Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
