I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
