I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
