like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
you traded sex for a burrito?
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
