went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
