I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
