Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Randomize
