She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
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