i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
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