Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
