My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
All I want is dick and wine.
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