did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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