A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
did you just send me my own nude
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize