yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I deserve this hangover.
Randomize
