we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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