So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
