On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
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