Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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