There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Randomize
