id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
