dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
