the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
