apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Randomize
