I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Randomize
