I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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