People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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