I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
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