The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
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