Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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