I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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