Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
