If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
