On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
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