well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Randomize
