Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize