He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Randomize
