WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
