I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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