if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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