in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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