I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
it's like heaven, but drunker
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
