the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
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