well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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