I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
