People with herpes should wear stickers.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
