Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
