my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Randomize
