The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
