She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
