Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
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