I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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