I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
