I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize