We're facebook friends in real life
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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