3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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