Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Randomize
