everyone is single if you try hard enough
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Randomize
