i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
