he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize