How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize