Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
It's rum buckets o'clock
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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