help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
I cannot find my penis.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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