I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
