K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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