I'm really into asian looking animals
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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