I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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