i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
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