At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
