Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
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