fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Randomize
