then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
